but I'd miss out on so much good writing.

You know those little trade secrets of life you keep to yourself, because they keep you in good stead and you don't really want anyone else to know you use 'cheat codes' as 'twere, much less what they are in case they use them better than you? Well I'm damned if my recent foray into various literatures has exposed me to have no original cheats of my own.

"If you appear learned to an ignorant wench, or jocund to a sad, or witty to a foolish, why she presently begins to mistrust herself. You must approach them in their own height, their own line; for the contrary makes many, that fear to commit themselves to noble and worthy fellows, run into the embraces of a rascal. If she love wit, give verses, though you borrow them of a friend, or buy them, to have good. If valour, talk of your sword, and be frequent in the mention of quarrels, though you be staunch in fighting. If activity, be seen on your barbary often, or leaping over stools, for the credit of your back. If she love good clothes or dressing, have your learned council about you every morning, your French tailor, barber, linener, etc. Let your powder, your glass, and your comb be your dearest acquaintance. Take more care for the ornament of your head than the safety; and wish the commonwealth rather troubled, than a hair about you. That will take her. Then if she be covetous and craving, do you promise her anything, and perform sparingly; so shall you keep her in appetite still. Seem as you would give, but be like a barren field, that yields little; or unlucky dice to foolish and hoping gamesters." - From 'The Silent Woman' by Ben Jonson.

How did they freaking know all this??? How has humanity changed so little? This is insane! Even down to your little cliquey groups! Does the girl you fancy like romantic, arty guys? Or the brave, strong guy who'll protect her from the world? Perhaps she goes more for the sporty type? Or does she just need her guy to look freaking gorgeous and little else?

But it's the last bit that really caught me. Those last two sentences.

Although, that said, very few people care to remember these rules once you have the object of your heart's desire hooked.

And here's one from another, modern book, that I definitely agree with.

"It sometimes seems that the public likes the promise of sex but not the delivery." - Paul Dale, Ten Bad Dates with De Niro.

And before we go, here's some gems of insults from the silver screen:

"Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast?" - Heather Chandler, 'Heathers'

"Could you sweat the other way please?" - Walter Fielding Jr., 'The Money Pit'

"She's like Satan in heels!" - Fern Mayo, 'Jawbreaker'

"You mustn't get so upset - your facelift is unravelling." - Louella Parsons, 'Malice in Wonderland'

"In my mind, Martha, you're buried in cement, right up to your neck. No, up to your nose - it's much quieter." - George, 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?'

"That's quite a dress you almost have on!" - Jerry Mulligan, 'An American in Paris'

Someday, I will have words of my own. Until then, I'd rather give you brilliant words that I've filched.